How It All Started
by cinnabean
Summary: Josi loses her job at Deadpool's expense. He offers her a deal that she...might refuse. Josi is sassy, Wolverine is forever pissed that hes a main character, Spiderman is an overprotective friend, the Avengers got paid 50 cents to be in a few chapters, There's still not enough X-Men, and Deadpool is...Deadpool. HUGE Avenger/XMen crossover
1. Chapter 1

The 24-Hour Diner across the street from my apartment was a decent job for a "just dropped out of university" reject. It was convenient, paid enough for me to live in my box shaped apartment, and left me with just enough to function on a weekly basis. The only nitpick was that it was boring as fuck, but all of my co-workers agreed that it was because of the slow intake of business lately. I was usually the first face most people saw when they walked into the restaurant; A dweeb with an afro of curly hair and a dorky smile to match. When I heard the bell rattle against the door this early in the morning, I knew exactly who it was.

"Hey, Pete! Do you want your usual?" I asked, as I pulled out a tiny notepad.

Peter Parker always frequents here, mainly because he lives in the same apartment complex as I do, only a few doors down. We became very quick friends as soon as he moved in when I saw him drop a box on his way into his apartment about a year ago, and he was easy to confide in. He had a pretty average build, and a very handsome smile to match.

"Yeah, thanks Jos!" He grinned and sat down on the stool nearest to me as I wrote his order down and handed it to a cook in the kitchen. I poured his coffee and slid it to him with a few creamers.

"How's the job treating ya?" He asked, as he waited for his coffee to cool.

"Pretty much the same," I shrugged. "Same shit, different day."

"I know the feeling," Peter sighed.

"Ah c'mon, I doubt those paper-cuts are giving you that hard of a time." I joked, before putting his bagel down in front of him. Peter gave a chuckle, and handed me the money to put into the cash register.

"If only you knew." He shook his head. He quickly downed his coffee after hearing his phone beep, and put the bagel into a napkin.

"I have to dash. I'll see you around!" Peter nodded his head, before hastily taking off. I shook my head at his behavior, before placing the empty plate into the dishwasher.

#

The night-shift was always the most boring shift.

I always wondered why no one took the 11pm to 5am shift, as it's the quietest time of night. Sure, the shift was even more boring than the morning shift, but I needed this extra shift to give me a tiny boost in funds (And to pay my Netflix bill, because how the hell would I be able to watch Fuller House? That's a damn necessity).

The clock finally hit 2am and I sighed.

Only three more hours in this bitch.

I started to space out once my co-workers went on break about a half hour ago. I began to focus on the silverware. Soon after, I focused hard enough for my vision to begin to tunnel.

I lifted one fork with my eyes, and the spoon followed. I started rotating them before I knew it.

This is still boring as fuck.

I started lifting plates and balancing them on top of the forks.

Various gunshots next to the diner broke my focus and caused the forks, spoons and plates to drop as a result. I couldn't help but cringe at the shattered plates across the room. I heard a shout from far away that made me jump.

"Fuck off!" The voice was getting louder, as footsteps seemed to increase.

"Shit." I whispered to myself, and grabbed my broom as a form of self defense.

Well, mainly to sweep up the broken dishes too, but y'know.

It wasn't unusual for crime and weird things to happen in this city.

When I was around 14, there were reports of a masked man, Spider-Man, "saving" the city with his mutant-spider powers. Even before that, superheroes and mutants were things that I remember being talked about for as long as I can remember before being sent off for adoption at nine years old.

The "Superhero-propaganda" is bullshit probably built by the government anyways, there's no way some spandex covered men are saving the world.

I jumped at the door suddenly opening. I turned around to see a man clad in what looked like a red and black leather suit. He looked around hastily, before spotting me and quickly tumbling behind the counter where I stood. "You might wanna duck, sweet-cheeks!" He shouted as he pulled me down.

I let out a scream, and he quickly covered my mouth.

I shouted various profanities and bit his hand in response. "I'm trying to make sure you don't die, you Gremlin!" He shouted. Before I could interject, a group of people busted in, flipping over tables and making a mess. I could hear my co-workers making a commotion and exiting out the back door. I made eye contact with Paula, who spotted where I was, and quickly ran out.

"Damn you, Paula!" I thought, realizing that I'm left alone with a masked man and what seemed like a very angry group of men.

"Let's settle this shit once and for all, Deadpool!" A deep voice called out. The man (who I presumed is Deadpool) uncovered my mouth and put his hands up in surrender.

"Before you shoot!" He stood up.

Silence followed.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a...Shiiit." He begins.

"I forgot my lines. Man, it doesn't sound as intimidating as Liam Neeson-"

One man with a gun suddenly shot him in the arm. I flinched at the sound, and looked at Deadpool's arm, which seemed to start to heal as fast as it was shot.

"Mother of shit!"

What was he?

Deadpool let out a girly scream and ducked under the table once more after a few other gunshots. "FUCK NUGGETS!" He shouted as he looked at the bullet in his shoulder. He flexed, and the bullet came out quickly. I stared at him, wide eyed, until he shouted out again.

"FINE! I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO DO THIS THE NO-ONE-COMES-OUT-ALIVE WAY!" He shouted as he flipped out from under the table with a shotgun.

What the fuck is even going on at this point?

#

(Meanwhile)

Peter was dying of boredom.

Once Tony resigned for the night from Stark Industries, Peter was left to most of the crappy paper work.

'Avenger, my ass.' Peter sighed in his mind.

Peter began to glance up at the local news with an uninterested look on his face. He didn't seem to process what was going on until he glanced a second time. The news reported gunshots near a local diner, and as the local security cameras zoomed in, a red and black suit could be seen dashing off in the distance, his fingers censored because he seemed to be flipping something (or someone) off.

As soon as he saw it, he knew it was Josi's diner, and he knew that her shift was tonight at this time. He put his hands on his head and walked around in a circle.

"Shit." Peter loudly whispered.

"Language." Steve Rogers, a colleague, glanced over as he sat nearby while being preoccupied by what seemed like a Hot Pocket. Peter wanted to ask what flavor it was, but he scolded himself for being such a fucking dweeb.

"Sorry. I-It's Deadpool." Peter shook his head.

"What is he up to now?" Steve stood, noticing his friend's panicked stance. For the past two months, he'd been chasing down Deadpool only to come out empty-handed.

"Apparently he's causing chaos at a local diner and destroying public property, but I have a friend who could possibly be in danger right now." Peter urged, and Steve crossed his arms, before going over to the elevators.

"I guess we'll have to pay him a visit. I'm sure your friend will be fine." Steve explained, as they both went inside.

Afterwards, there was just silence. Peter twiddled his thumbs and tried not to make immediate eye contact. There was a faint sound of elevator music, and Peter couldn't help but to glance at Steve, who seemed to maintain a stoic stance.

"So," Peter began.

"That Hot Pocket." He muttered.

"What?" Steve asked, hearing what he said, but not understanding the context.

"What... What flavor was it?-" Peter asked, his voice filled with regret.

"Oh, it was Ham and Cheese." Steve awkwardly answered, furrowing his brows.

"...Nnnice."

Peter wanted to stab himself right then and there.

#  
(Meanwhile, at the diner)

I peeped out from behind the counter for the first time since this ordeal happened, and watched as Deadpool was shot multiple times again. I couldn't stomach to see so many bodies on the ground, and I quickly doubled over, waiting for it all to be over.

After a while of shooting and various profanities, silence rang all around the room.

"Fuck yes!" Deadpool shouted in victory. I took that as the coast being clear, and peeked out.

The entire diner was a wreck. Bullet holes dotted the area, and blood decorated the walls and floors, where people were toppled over each other. "Oh my God..." I stared in utter horror.

"I- You- what just- I don't!" I stuttered, as I walked into the former war zone. The door opened once more and I looked over to see more masked individuals, making me duck, before realizing who they were. I recognized them as Spider-Man and Captain America.

I crossed my arms while I stared up at the two "superheros."

'They're bluffing. They can't be anything special.' I thought.

"Oh my jesus-tits! It's Spidey and Cap! Can I put this on my tumblr? I wanna put this on my tumblr!" Deadpool asked as he took out his phone, taking a selfie with them.

"Okay...hashtag spideycap, hashtag spideypool, hashtag infinitywarneverhappened-"

"Deadpool!" Spider-Man snapped, causing him to jump. He moved towards Deadpool, and though I couldn't see his face, I could tell how done his expression was.

"You've been causing more chaos than usual, and it's becoming disruptive as of late." Spider-Man interjected. There was something about him that seemed familiar, and I couldn't place why.

I noticed a faint beeping sound in the distance, and a body moving. My eyes darted over to see a figure jumping out of the window. I began to sweat, and everything felt as though it was moving in slow motion.

"Guys..." I started. Eyes shifting between the three, who didn't seem to be listening.

" 'Ey, It ain't my fault that the assassination count is at an all-time high lately! The only thing I'm supposed to do is get rid of those fuckers and keep my right arm busy at the end of the day, Spidey-Boy!" Deadpool pointed out.

"But you're endangering the lives of the innocent as you eliminate the bad." Captain America argued. "This young lady could've died!" He pointed to me.

The beeping got to the point where it became audible to everyone, and their eyes widened. "Shit... Everyone didn't die." Deadpool muttered.

"TAKE COVER!" Spider-Man screamed, and I could see the fire erupt from the area and spread outwards. Before I could react, I was grabbed by somebody and shielded from the flame before I could see who it was.

And in that moment, I realized...

I was definitely fired.

* * *

 _Hello friendos! If you've been here since Day 1, I've been writing this story since 2016, a small while after the first Deadpool movie came out! I've been a fan of Deadpool for a long while (I think since 2012?) and I've always wanted to write something that paid homage to the Merc With the Mouth._

 _So, the timelines may be a bit confusing. You may be thinking, author, what the fuck is going on? Did you trip acid while making this, are you okay?_

 _Maybe, and no._

 _So, I decided to explain a few things in a long authors note so you guys aren't too terribly lost. (You can skip forward if you really don't give two flying teats.)_

 _The story that I had in mind changes a bit (all) of the traditional timeline! I'm not following the Marvel Cinematic Universes timeline strongly, but I am taking some aspects from it. I kind of explain the timeline as Deadpool's timeline, which is in itself pretty fucked up but still better than what Days of Future Past tried to do._

 _Josi (Joseline Clark) is an original character. This story is going to be based strongly around her. I have no plans of her being overly-romantically involved with any of the main male characters and there will be no pairing at the end of this story (i lied) because this is mainly about friendship. She's around 5'4, African-American with an average build, has an Afro, 20 years old, a drop-out from an Art School, and now currently works at a Diner in NYC._

 _Deadpool's (Wade Wilson) character is taken straight from Ryan Reynold's interpretation, though there are certain cartoonish aspects that I've kept from his comics, past incarnations of Deadpool in the x-men universe and video games, such as his pancake endeavors, his love for the word chimichanga, his ability to add mosaics for nudity, and his ability to dodge bullets (albeit badly) He is 39 years old, and about 6'1._

 _Spider-Man's (Peter Parker) interpretation is a bit of a mix of mainly Tom Holland (especially his stubbornness and naivety) with a mix of Toby Maguire's awkwardness/softness. He's described as on the thinner side, with a warm smile and he's undeniably a huge dweeb. He already knows Josi quite closely, and his age is 22, around 5'9". He currently has a cover up "job" with Stark Industries, as well as working for a newspaper agency as a second job._

 _Wolverine (Logan) is based around Hugh Jackman's interpretation of the character, as well as his interpretation in the comic books, and his dynamic with Wade. His humor can be dry at times, and witty. His past remains a mystery, and he deals with past trauma. He is explained as stern, with a quick temper. around 6' 2". He still keeps close ties with the X-Men and Professor X._

 _There are other characters, such as: (but not limited to)_

 _Iron dude_

 _[bald eagle caw's in the distance]_

 _Larry The Cable dude_

 _Oh lawd Thanos comin_

 _Professor Patrick Mcavoy_

 _Death. No seriously. ACTUAL Death_

 _Negasonic Teenage wow this name is long_

 _Colossal dude w/ the booty_

 _Luck be a lady tonight_

 _A Time Rewinding Wizard_

 _Peter_


	2. Chapter 2

**_#_**

 _"Shit, this girl weighs as much as a sack of potatoes but she looks like she's 5!"_

 _"Deadpool, do you ever shut the fu-"_

 _"Language."_

 _"Do you ever stop talking?"_

 _"No, not really. It's actually a tragic condition. They've tried ball gags, chloroform, cutting my head off, and stitching my mouth shut but they can't seem to get me to can it. Cut me some slack, Spider-Flop."_

 _There was silence. It was nice._

 _"You know, I'm allergic to grapefruits. Crazy, huh? You'll never believe how I found out. So one time I cut a hole into a grapefruit and-"_

I jolted awake, the more-than-mildly disturbing conversation still ringing in my subconscious ears.

The last thing I remembered was the explosion last night and, as much as I prayed it was a dream, of course it wasn't. I looked around at my new surroundings and became even more alarmed.

You know, I wanted my job to blow up under mysterious circumstances but not with me there.

But first,

'Where in the hell am I?' I thought.

The first thing I noticed was that I was in a very run-down apartment, filled with posters of girls with huge boobs, tequila bottles on the ground, empty pizza boxes and take out containers. Even the couch I laid on had a pizza box on it. It was a huge train wreck.

"Taaaake onnnnn meeeee (take on me) taaake meeeee onnnnn" I heard a familiar voice sing from another room (Yes, he even sang the background vocals), and shower water running.

"No way..." I muttered.

I'm in Deadpool's fucking apartment.

I tried sitting up, but automatically plopped back down after noticing how painful my joints felt.

"Ah man..." I groaned. Even my eyes were sore when I moved them.

The door opened to what I assumed was the bathroom, and I saw Deadpool walking out, adjusting his mask. I groaned again to get his attention, and he perked up.

"OH! You aren't dead!" The masked man walked over and tapped me.

"Welcome back, I hope you had a nice trip. Did you get me a postcard from purgatory?"

"Deadpool- right?" I asked to get clarification.

"At your service!" He did an army salute. "You can also call me Wade, Captain Deadpool, or Dad." He enthused, as the last word came out in a suggestive tone.

"If you call me Dad, you can be the big spoon tonight."

I blinked a few times.

"Okay, Wade," I said to put him in his place. "What in the hell am I doing here?"

"Weeeell," He began. "A little after I shielded you from that explosion, you fainted, and a news crew circled around Caps and Spidey, so I decided to take you under my little wing." He explained.

"So, You ran away before the news could get coverage on what caused the explosion, and you are now keeping me hostage." I corrected.

"Bingo!" Wade said as he went to the kitchen.

"Plus, I was told to keep ya safe 'till the media coverage and the army of thugs who are chasing us die down! So you're stuck with me, kid." He said as he pulled out a ton of boxes of pancake mix.

"Holy shit, are you making pancakes for an army?" I asked, wide-eyed at all the pancake mix.

"Hell yeah! An army of me and my dick! The only army I'll ever need!" Wade said as he wiped a single fake tear.

I shook my head in disbelief. "You are so disgustingly vulgar, it's fantastic."

"I've been told, sugar-tits." He beamed.

"You can call me Josi instead." I raised an eyebrow.

"Sure thing, babe!" He said, disregarding me, as he started pouring mix into a dingy pan. He started whistling what sounded like a bad version of 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go'. Damn, this guy is old.

I finally sat up again. "I feel like I've been hit by the crippling realization that we all will get old and die." I deadpanned, as I ruffled my afro.

"You took that explosion like a boss, though. Well, maybe more like Alec Baldwin in Boss Baby. If I didn't jump in you'd probably be ashes on the ground right now. Bad times." He stated. It registered then that my job completely exploded.

"Well, there goes my minimum wage..." I plopped down on the couch again.

Wade plopped on the couch with me and slightly lifted his mask to start eating a huge pile of pancakes. I decided against asking about the scars on his chin that were more than visible."You'll find a better job than a shitty ol' diner!" He began and I gave a weak smile.

"Trust me. I've had my share of shitty jobs while I was younger. Cleaning bathrooms in McDonald's, Washing off dildos, you name it."

"Answer me something though, who were those guys that were chasing after you?" I curiously asked.

"Those little shit swizzlers were after me because I had some unfinished business with Weapon X; I had a run in with a psychopath named after Dish soap, and after his death, I've been trying not to get my ass sliced off." Wade crossed his legs with an infinite amount of sass as he recalled the event.

"Dish soap?" I asked as I raised a brow, though Weapon X sounded interesting, the Dish soap part really got me.

"Yeah, the fucker's name was Ajax. Well, Francis, but it sounded like a mom in the 1930s, so no wonder he'd change it." He recalled with a snort towards the end.

Our conversation was cut short by an angry bang on Wade's door. "Dipshit, open up!" A voice called out. Wade grinned from under his mask, and marched to the door, opening it and opening his arms wide for a hug.

"BUTTERCUP!" Wade called out to him, as he gave the other masked "friend" a kiss on the cheek.

Spider-Man already looked as though he wanted to punch Wade square in the face through his mask.

"Hello, Miss. Deadpool is coming with me to the Stark tower." He said, with his voice obviously being forced to sound deeper, with a hint of awkwardness. The body language was a definite giveaway, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

I knew him.

I crossed my arms, before slowly getting up and inching towards this "Spider-Man" The stare-down seemed to make Spider-Man uncomfortable, as he shifted his body side to side.

"I know you-" I began before he interrupted.

"No you don't."

"Oh, but I do." I challenged.

"I'm pretty sure you don't."

"But I most certainly am sure-"

"And I am infinitely sure that you do not."

"Then why are you getting defensive-"

"IM NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE-" Once his voice moved up 3 octaves, I knew exactly who he was. He covered his mouth in an attempt to save himself.

"Oh. My god." I looked up at the sky, making "Spider-Man" absolutely lose his shit.

"Shit," Peter whispered.

Wade looked at the both of us, a grin visible through his mask, as he grabbed popcorn from his utility belt and started stuffing his face. The popcorn obviously not making it past his mask.

"Josi, not now, I have to take Deadpool, and I'll explain everything later." Peter explained, before grabbing his masked companion and marching outside, slamming the door behind him.

"You should get a voice disguise next time; like Batman, but not as cool." I heard Wade's voice fade into the distance.

 _What in the actual shit is going on?_

 ** _#_**

"Wade Wilson," Tony Stark started as he looked at Wade straight in the eyes. Wade sat with his legs "Criss-Cross Applesauce," as he liked to call it, and requested a "spinny" chair. Tony downed a shot glass of alcohol and, when asked why he was drinking so early in the morning, shrugged it off as a "coping" mechanism for Wade's behavior.

"Daddy Stark~" Wade purred as he hung upside down from the chair. "What's got your Iron Panties in a bunch?"

"The problem is that this is the 10th damn complaint in a month that I've gotten concerning a red and black-clad vigilante reject." Tony sassed.

"Aw, that hurt my heart." Deadpool sarcastically remarked before taking a spin in his chair again.

"Wade, it's time to be a bit more serious about what you're doing. You may not realise it, but if you adjusted yourself more, you could actually be a hero-" Tony started before being interrupted by Wade making a noise in disagreement.

"Look here, Starky-Boy, I'm not a hero," He started. "I'm not some twinkle-toes pep-talker with matching underwear on the outside of my clothes, covering my manhood, and lying to the citizens around us! So, nohohoho!" Wade said as he raised a hand. "The day I become a spandex-wearing ball-fondler is the day I stop looking like a wrinkled ballsack!" He argued as silence fell in the room. "Which is never!" He finished as he took a bow.

Silence still fell throughout the room. Tony shook his head. "Wade-"

"Now if you'll excuse me, World's-Shortest-Avenger, I have business to take care of!" Wade said as he opened a window.

"Wade, we're on the 12th floo- too late." Tony sighed as he heard Wade tumble town 12 stories while shouting 'MAXIMUM EFFORT!'

 **#**

As soon as I heard the door open, I jumped up. I finally got mobility back in my body, but now I felt weak and kinda hungry. I just remembered that the fucker made a ton of pancakes and didn't offer me one. I plopped on to the couch as hunger and boredom took over.

"HONEY, I'M HOME!" Wade called out as he closed the door. He had a Taco-Bell bag with him.

"Guess who got us Chimichangas~" He sang. "Hell, I don't even like Chimichangas! The word's just funny to me!" He finished as he emptied the contents on his (now clean) coffee table.

"Hmmm...something seems different around here," He began as he looked around. I proudly smiled, thinking that he acknowledged all my hard work.

I scrubbed the apartment spotless while I had a bored temper tantrum; even cleaning the bathroom (which I will never consider cleaning again), and the kitchen while he was gone.

"Ah, that's what's different!" He beamed as he adjusted a small, wilted plant.

"Wade!" I snapped. He started laughing and flipped onto the couch with me, handing me a Chimichanga.

"I'm just fuckin' with you." He smiled as he pat my afro, before freezing soon after. "Oh, you didn't find my stash, did you?"

"Stash?"

"Okay, never-mind." Wade nodded.

I bit into one of the Chimichangas. I wrinkled up my nose at the taste of it and shook my head.

"How do you eat this shit?" I asked and he laughed at my expression.

"I dont!" He corrected. "I already told you: I just like the word."

I couldn't help but shake my head at him.

"You know," He began, kicking up his feet on the coffee table.

"I could get used to having you around."

"Please don't." I quickly answered.

"This is gonna be a good fan-fiction franchise."

* * *

Ayyyy, Author here! I hope you enjoyed Chapter 2 of this story! I'm really having fun with Deadpool's character, and his interactions with other characters so far! He's a blast to write about~ And don't worry if the story is going at snail speed! The first few chapters are just an introduction into the story anyways!

Until next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

Spending the past few days with a mask-wearing lunatic has its downsides.

Even though I was only really interacting with Wade at this point in life, I never knew much about him other than his first name. I didn't know if I wanted to know anything more than his name.

'He's a weird dude.' I thought. He definitely wasn't anything like a 'superhero.' I wandered around the house again (10th time and counting) before groaning loudly.

I hadn't heard from Peter either within the past few days. Our usual meme texts were dead. I even go to the point where I sent dead memes.

Ever since that day, Wade would describe me as 'Mopey Dick.'

I thought I knew practically everything about Peter Parker. He seemed like an open book kind-of-guy.

What a dickhole.

I told him about my Carrie-esque abilities, and he couldn't tell me that he was a spider-mutant?

I stared at the ceiling of the apartment and looked over at one of the vases with a wilted flower in it. My vision began to tunnel as I absentmindedly lifted the vase.

You know, it must be cool to be a spider-mutant. All I can do is lift a vase. Can I be vase-girl?

No? Okay.

Suddenly the door opened loudly, making me fling the vase at the wall next to the person walking in.

"What in the fuck was that!?" Wade shouted, before looking at the vase on the ground. I could hardly recognize Wade, because his costume had been torn by lord-knows-what.

"I..." I trailed off, trying to find an excuse,"I threw it. Trying to see if I could use 'the force.'" My voice shook as I told the obvious lie, and the words came out as though it was a question toward the end of the sentence. Wade eyes narrowed through his suit, but his expression was unreadable.

Y'know, because his mask was covering it and stuff.

"Hmmmm, that smells like bullshit, and if this weren't a fanfiction I would press on it and get answers, but then the story would be over in like, 5 chapters." Wade decided not to press on it anymore.

He took off his mask to reveal various scars on his deformed face, before looking into one of the drawers to pull out silver duct tape.

"Ah, here we go." He began to tape up parts of his suit.

'Convenient.' I thought.

I looked at his face with concern, and he answered me before I could ask 'What happened?' once he noticed my glance.

"Yeah, it's not pretty. I look like a wrinkled ball-sack had sex with Bob the Tomato from Veggietales." Wade roasted himself. I could tell that he was trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

"When I was 35, I got fucked in the ass by cancer." He began, and I furrowed my brows when I heard that.

"It started in my liver and went into every life-threatening organ there was." He uncomfortably crossed his arms. I could tell that it was hard for him to talk about.

"God damn, you're old..." I trailed off, trying to lighten the mood.

"And to make it more teen-angst fanfiction-esque, I was engaged to a very beautiful woman."

"Where is she, then?" I absentmindedly asked, before hanging upside down from the couch.

"I'm getting to that." He shook his head at how impatient I was.

"So, I had a choice. I could either contribute my body to find a cure to cancer for myself and future generations, or I could die in less than 2 months," He said, looking into space, before playfully looking over at me.

"I mean I couldn't let this sexy beast die out so soon, so I went to do it and left my fiancée."

"So, after ditching your fiancée, something went terribly wrong with your contribution, and Chemical-X spilled on you, making you a crime fighting, Powerpuff Girl!?" I commented.

"Actually, that was pretty close enough, what the fuck," He said as he furrowed his brows.

"Well, my world of firm asses in spandex became too much for her, and we just drifted. I moved to New York, She stayed in British Colombia, but sometimes I go back to Canada, and when we meet up it ends in some "action" nah mean?" He winked.

I shook my head. "I don't know what you mean, and I don't want to," I chuckled, stopping him before hearing the details I didn't want to hear under any circumstances.

"Well," He began while checking his phone, before standing up, "If you excuse me, I have an uber to request."

* * *

"Absolutely-fucking-not, Wade. Cancel this Uber right now." Logan whispered, keeping his voice down for the passengers in the backseat of his Uber SUV. The college students didn't seem to give Logan a second glance.

Though Wade's request for a ride seemed innocent enough, and he was "in the area" according to Uber, Logan had decided a long while back (Well, a year and a half, actually) that he was absolutely, positively finished with Wade Wilson.

The last thing Logan wanted was Wade to completely fuck up his newly-found identity, though he was just a shitty Uber driver, he was able to at least keep himself on the down-low while not having to deal with people trying to chop his head off every 3 days. The X-Men were a less-than-fond memory.

"How did you even find out that I was an Uber driver anyway?" Logan sharply asked, annoyance laced in his eyebrows.

"Oh, I rented your new movie. It was a fucking masterpiece. You die at the end by the way," Wade stated, before getting to the point.

"Anyway, We can buddy up again, just like old times, mate!" He finished, with a terrible impression of an Australian accent.

"Last time we decided to 'Buddy up,' I woke up hungover, tied to a pole with a car impaling me, in the middle of Canada!" He scowled, making the curious college students look at him, and then at each other.

"Hey, you didn't disagree about getting fucked up while redneck race car dri-" Wade cut himself off to get to the chase.

"Look, prisoner 24601, you owe me! You seem to forget that our Canada trip was actually made to get rid of the fuck-faces that run Weapon X. We still have to solve that." Wade's voice had a sense of urgency in it.

"That's not my problem anymo-"

"They attacked me last night and tried to blow me up. I'm safe for now, but I'm telling you Wolvie, if we don't do something now, innocent people might die because we didn't stop i-" Logan hung up.

He didn't want to hear another word from Wade.

The awkward silence in the car made him look into the rear-view mirror to see the 2 students looking up at him, completely bewildered.

Logan kept a straight face, before pulling them up to their location. Once he stopped, the two girls quietly left, scared out of their minds.

He pulled over abruptly, rubbing his temples in irritation.

Wade was right.

* * *

"Hell yes!" I shouted, as I ran into my apartment. I had never been happier walking into my tiny box of an apartment until now. I missed how clean and organized I kept everything, and how the apartment smelled like clean laundry and not old pizza boxes. I went straight into my room without hesitation, and crawled under the blankets.

After I was told that it was safe enough to go home, I left before Wade could find out. No offense to him, he's a pretty cool guy, but I just want to live a normal life not filled with mutants, and grenades, and whatever else. I wanted to live the life that a normal 21-year-old art-school dropout wouldn't have to deal with.

Slowly, I felt my eyes close, and I realized that I haven't slept peacefully for the longest, and let sleep overwrite my mind.

Pang! Crash! Shatter!

I jumped up at the sound of a pan dropping and dishes shattering, followed by a whispered swear.

I couldn't stop shaking after that. I thought of the worst-case scenario; I would be skinned alive and they would take my DVD's. I quickly picked up my tennis racket from under my bed, only because it was the only weapon-like item I had around me.

'This is such a stupid idea: Who would be scared of a racket-swinging doofus?' I thought, as I silently walked through the short hallway, towards the kitchen doorway. As soon as I saw the silhouette of the figure creeping into my fridge, I closed my eyes, and swung.

"FUCK NUGGETS, JOSI!" The voice shouted, and once I realized the voice, I turned on the lights.

"Wade, what the fuck!?" I shouted, before turning the lights on to see him holding the back of his head.

"Maybe I was concerned about the well-being of my apprentice who left without a trace," He began, as he closed my fridge. "Also, you need to get more groceries. All your shit's spoiled." He pointed out, as he sat on the stool nearest to the counter.

"Apprentice?" I asked, curiously.

"Well, I was going to ask you about it first, but yes, I considered you a partner-in-crime after our heart to heart explaining cancer session."

I rolled my eyes at how ridiculous he was.

"I left because I'm just an art-school reject who just wants a normal life where I don't have to deal with super-whatever's, my job blowing up, and being isolated 24/7. That may be your job, but it's not mine." I explained.

"You left one detail out though, Hobbit; You still don't have a stable job to pay your rent for you apartment-box, and you could've just said you felt isolated," Wade shrugged. "Haven't you side character's learned anything about running away from situations without preparation? This is why you little shits aren't the main character." He crossed his arms.

I thought about it for a few seconds and made a realization: He's completely right.

"Goddamnit, Wade. Why do you always do the thing where you're right?" I asked, and I could tell that he was smiling under his mask.

"Because, I'm always right!" He shrugged. I shook my head at him, still wondering why he'd go through so much to have a diner-worker as his "apprentice".

"I'll pay for you to work for me. How does 2,000 a week sound?"

I almost choked when I heard the amount.

"I made about less than half of that on a weekly basis. My shit, Wade, what do you do?" I asked.

"I'm a Mercenary. Merc With the Mouth is what I'm called on Wikipedia." He explained. "I kill bad guys instead of putting them away in jail."

"I like that idea." I commented.

"So, are you going to come back? Being alone is like being fucked by the Olympic torch." He commented, and I furrowed my brows at his choice of phrase.

"I'll take your word for it," I began, before giving an uncomfortable expression. I contemplated for a second, before giving a grin.

"Well shit, Wade. You got me in a box here." I sighed, as he wore me down completely. His hands clasped on to the side of his cheeks and he let out a gasp.

"Does that mean!?" He exclaimed, and I nodded.

"Yes, douche-pickle. You got yourself an apprentice." I smiled, and he let out an excitable scream, as he gave me a hug. I wasn't a hugger, but why would I ruin the excitement for this man-child?

"Welcome to the workforce, you midget!" He exclaimed, before putting me down.

"We're just going to need one thing in this place," Wade began, and I raised my eyebrows.

"Pancake mix." He finished, with a strong nod.

* * *

I knew I was going to fucking wake up to the smell of pancakes, and music blasting.

As soon as I saw Wade, I wanted to go back to bed. He wore his costume as usual, but wore my apron that had an array of paint on it.

My apron. Bastard.

Late-90's music blasted through the radio (Britney Spears specifically), and he enthusiastically hummed along while flipping a pancake over. He even abused my cable by playing Daytime television; Maury played on the screen, and he seemed completely into it.

"Fucking shit, how was he not the father!?" Wade exclaimed, completely in awe.

"So, I didn't know that Josi grew a foot overnight, became a Merc named Wade, and liked 90s Britney Spears." I commented, and he flipped a pancake once he realized I was in the room.

"I knew it had been a while since I heard snoring," He shot back, and I gasped.

Do I really snore?

"My snoring was probably trying to drown out Hit Me Baby One More Time." I defended, and walked over to the kitchen area to steal pancakes.

"Did you even leave last night?" I curiously asked, and he looked over at me.

"The couch was very comfy." Was all he said, as he pointed to my couch. I immediately shook my head.

"Fuck you." I shook my head, before picking up some pancakes. He already brought a staggering amount of syrup, and it was as if he made himself at home already.

"If you're gonna camp out here though, there have to be some type of ground rules," I began, and Wade perked up.

"Yes, Daddy!" He excitedly commented.

"First, No giving away the location of where you are. I kinda don't want to be bombed again." I started, and he interrupted.

"That's a given." He pointed out, and I smiled in satisfaction.

"Second, no fapping at least while I'm in the house, you fucker." I glared.

"That rule is already broken." Wade sassed, and I automatically cringed.

"You disgusting donut hole," I wrinkles my nose before continuing.

"Third, Don't touch my shit. My room is off limits, if you use the kitchen, clean up afterwards, and if you use my special bath soap, I'm suing." I childishly stated, before crossing my arms.

"Aye, Aye Captain Josi!" He gave an army salute, and I gave a smile.

"Since you said that you felt isolated earlier, I'll give you an actual job, Gremlin." He stated, before ruffling my Afro. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

"What kind of job?" I asked, and he grinned.

"I think I have an idea." Was all he said, and that simple sentence made me furrow my brows.


	4. Chapter 4

"Wade, no offense but I really don't think I could be of any help with your job-" He cut me off before I continued.

"-Because I'm just a normal 21 year old Art School reject who lifts shit with my mind when I'm sleeping." He mocked, and my eyes widened. Before I could speak, he interrupted.

"You hit me upside the head with your books when I came into your room once. That shit hurt." He finished and I furrowed my brows.

"Also there was that time where you almost killed me with a Vase. You weren't kidding when you said you had the force."

"Wait, why the fuck were you in my room?" I asked, then shook it off.

"Look dipshit, I'm not sure what I did while I was asleep but I'm not all that powerful as you'd think! All I can do is lift simple things, anything more than the weight of a college textbook is brain aneurysm material, got it?" I asked.

"Man, you really need to work out." Wade taunted, and I began to slap him.

"Chill out, Short Stuff, I got it." He nodded, before taking a glance at me.

"But, Power-Fluff girl," Wade began.

"How did you obtain such a mutant ass power anyways?" He asked, as he hung upside down from the couch.

"I was just born with it," I began, and Wade looked completely expectant for me to continue the story.

"My parents didn't know how to handle it, so instead of making me a science experiment, they sent me up for adoption, and after turning 18, I went to school to pursue my "Art Career". And after getting sick of learning how to draw lines, here I am. Pretty simple." I shrugged.

"Hm, needs more explosions." Wade commented, referring to my story.

"I used to do really dumb shit. Like making stuff in the classroom move so people thought it was a ghost." I chuckled at the memory.

"I got kicked out of 4 elementary schools. My parents would lock me in my room a lot but I would just break out. They said, "You need to respect your elders," and I didn't care enough to respect them. So they sent me up for adoption. I was a dumb kid, but they never seemed to want me anyways." I finished.

"Well, You could've been dumber and joined the X-Men. They're a fucking mess right now." He joked, before eating another piece of pancake. That had to have been his 10th pancake.

"X-men?" I asked.

"They're this group of super-mutant assholes who try to save the earth or something. Not my thing." Wade answered with a shrug.

The doorbell rang during our banter, making me jump up automatically to answer it.

"Peter!" I exclaimed, before quickly closing the door behind me. Peter seemed bewildered by my reaction, and furrowed his brows.

"Hey, I know I flaked on you after the whole 'I'm a spider dude' thing, and uh," He started, his face painted with regret. "I'm really sorry. I just didn't know how to go about telling you that I shoot webs and walk on walls."

"I saw your memes though. If you send me another troll face, I will have to call the police." He joked.

"Oh, it's okay. It's more than okay. Everything is okay! Super duper okay. Okay? Okay. Bye!" I tried to leave quickly, but before I could, Peter called my name.

"I just came to see how you were doing since you came back to your shitty box." Peter chuckled at my weird behavior, making me laugh along, with a relieved sigh.

"I've never been more glad to come back to this box in my life," I smiled, before shaking my head.

"I just have some unexpected problems." I trailed off.

"Problems?" Peter repeated, before the door opened.

"Do I hear my buttercup!?" Wade shouted from the other side before swinging the door open. Once he saw Peter standing without his suit on, he let out a gasp, before pulling him into a hug.

"You're so beautiful!" He fake-sobbed. Peter's face looked as though it was going through all 7 stages of grief in a span of 10 seconds.

"So, you're going to be deadpoop's assistant?" Peter asked, before glaring at Wade.

"-Actually, it's "super bad-ass apprentice," Spider-fuck." Wade interrupted, with a proud smile showing under his mask.

Peter didn't take well to this. He turned to me, his face painted with nervousness. "Josi, working with Wade can be very dangerous. You could die, or worse." Peter stuttered, making Wade interject.

"Hey-" I began, only to be overlooked.

"Excuse me, Spider-Nugget, Josi can handle shit for herself. All the power she needs is in her hollow skull." Wade pointed out, as he knocked on my forehead.

"Ow." I glared, making Wade smile.

"Josi would be better off with Tony at S.H.I.E.L.D, Kiddy-Pool." Peter pointed out, making Wade noticeably sassier.

"Oh, fuck no." Wade began, crossing his arms.

"Two chapters ago, Tony tried to conceal my balls with superhero panties, in order to lie to our citizens. I'm not letting the same happen to this lil shit right here." Wade pointed to me, making me furrow my brows.

I don't have balls.

"I can't start a 'civil war' movie over this shit. Our budget isn't that huge. I just pushed Deadpool fucking 2 out of my vagina, and who knows when those cock-whistles that I call producers will get around to making another one." Wade argued.

"I think-" I began again, only to be cut off.

Nobody really seems to want to know what I want.

"I just don't think you're a good influence for Josi. Her power will be better off in the hands of-" Peter argued, making Wade scoff and interrupt.

"A good influence? I'm fucking Deadpool." Wade began, and Peter sighed, knowing that Wade was going to make a speech.

"I'm 25% more influential than Betty White, Regis and Kelly, Jennifer Aniston!" He shouted, making me shake my head.

Wade is so fucking old.

"50% more influential than Wolverine, Justin Bieber, and The Twilight franchise. And 500% more influential than Daddy Stark, okay? So fuck you, I'm Wade Winston Wilson-" Wade finished, before realizing he gave out his full name.

"- Er. Shmade Shminston Shmilson." He corrected himself.

"Nice save, Wade." I emphasized his name, making him cross his arms.

"Heh." Peter chuckled at his name.

"Cocks." Wade cursed, making me chuckle.

"I think I'm going to take Josi to S.H.I.E.L.D, and see what Tony's opinion is." Peter suggested, before standing up.

"You haven't asked what Josi thinks about this, cunt fuck." Wade stubbornly suggested, and all eyes looked at me, making me sweat.

"I think it would be a good idea to spend the day in S.H.I.E.L.D." I began, with a shrug, making Wade childishly gasp.

"I'm not going to ditch you, fuck-nugget. I'm just going to see what this Stark-dude has to say about this lifting-shit thing I have, and if it's useful." I smiled, making Wade feel more relieved.

"Well, what in the fuck hole am I supposed to do while you take my apprentice?" Wade impatiently asked before hanging upside down from the couch.

"The hell if I know. Get a dog or something." Peter sarcastically suggested, before pulling me along.

"Wait. Before you leave." Wade sighed, as though he was giving in, and wanted to go with us. Peter turned around to look at him.

"You have something on your shirt, like a coffee stain or something." Wade got up, and pointed to an invisible stain on Peter's shirt.

"Nice try." Peter taunted in a non-convincing voice. I could tell he had coffee earlier.

Slowly he gave in after Wade wouldn't budge, and looked down at his shirt, only for Wade to flick him.

"Hah. Made you look." Wade chuckled, and Peter angrily, albeit playfully sighed.

"C'mon, Josi." Peter lightly grabbed me along.

"Keep being in Tony's iron ass, you rusty bag of dick lint. I'll be here enjoying life." Wade mused, once the door closed.

* * *

"Wade Wilson's 'apprentice?" Tony Stark mused, as we sat with him in an open office. He seemed as though he was ignoring business, because he left his phone to ring and go to voicemail multiple times.

Off the bat, I noticed his quirky and slightly amusing personality. He sat with his feet on the coffee table, looking as though life hit him in the face with a truck. He also had an assortment of alcohol in a glass case behind his desk, making me question why that would be in an office environment.

"The only issue with this is that you're apparently gifted. It can be dangerous to use your powers in tandem with Wade. He's already causing destruction with just a gun is enough." Tony suggested, before downing some coffee he had on the table.

"You could also die. No pressure." Tony sarcastically swatted off.

"I was suggesting that Josi would be better off working with us." Peter suggested to Tony. Tony seemed to be in deep thought once he suggested that.

Suddenly, the door opened, revealing someone I didn't recognize. He was very clean-cut, almost militant, and looked as though he was an All-American guy.

"Tony, what gives? I've been trying to reach you." He walked in, making Tony almost groan.

"I'm in a meeting, Steve." He playfully remarked, gesturing over to me.

'He looks like a Steve.' I thought, almost chuckling.

Steve took a glance at Tony and Peter before bringing his hand out for a shake, and I returned it.

"Steve Rogers." He introduced politely.

"Joseline Clark." I returned, with a nod.

"Okay, Joseline." Tony snapped our attention back to him.

"You can spend a day here and see if you'd like to work here. I heard about the situation with your job, and I think you'd be a great help. Your friend here was just as inexperienced when he began." Tony mused, as he pointed to Peter.

"Oh god, don't talk about that." Peter embarrassingly chuckled, and I smiled at his reaction.

"He used to call every single day talking about ladies giving him churros, and- oh yeah, there was that one time he called me dad-"

"Mr. Stark!"

* * *

Once I walked into my apartment, I immediately sat down on the couch. I didn't get why everyone was going through all the trouble of having a diner-worker who could barely lift a dog as a person to help or whatever they wanted to do with me.

"Bork!" I heard a bark. I looked over to see a tiny ball of fluff, until I noticed that it was a moving ball of fluff.

I was greeted by the cutest puppy I've ever laid eyes on, who sat on my lap and licked my face. At first I nudged the dog away, not giving it a second thought.

"Mmmm," The puppy whimpered, before trying again. I gave into the puppy, and began to pet it, until I realized something odd.

There's a fucking puppy on my lap.

In my apartment.

"Bork!" The puppy barked, obviously happy to be here. The little bean began to give a doggy smile, and pant. I furrowed my brows, and realized that the fucker actually got a dog.

"...Wade!" I shouted, before he walked out of my room.

"Buttercup, you're back!" He greeted with his usual cheery banter. I could smell pizza in the distance, and turned to the kitchen to see 10 boxes on the counter.

"Wade, what the fuck is this?" I asked, before he looked at the pizza, and sighed in realization.

"It's just pizza. I didn't quite think eating pizza through because of my suit, but I managed." He commented, making me shake my head.

"Why didn't you just take the mask off you- never mind." I shook my head.

"What in the fuck doodles is this puppy doing here?" I asked, pointing to the dog.

"Borf!" It wagged its tail, and began to roll.

"Well, Peter told me to get a dog or something. This is Mr. Shuggums." Wade childishly stated, before crossing his arms.

"Peter didn't actually mean to get a dog-" I began to get really heated, before sighing and face palming.

"We can't have dogs in the apartment regardless." I shrugged.

"Not if the Superintendent doesn't have anything to say about it." Wade grinned, before taking his mask off for the day.

"You didn't kill the fucking super, did you?" I asked, raising my brows, and he dismissively laughed.

"He just had an accident." He sarcastically reassured before patting my afro. I shook my head.

He is such a donut fuck.

"If we're going to have a dog, we aren't calling it Mr. Shuggums." I shook my head, making Wade cross his arms.

"I wanna name it Dr. Twinkie-butt." I argued, making Wade scoff.

"Mr. Shuggums!"

"Dr. Twinkie-butt!"

"Mr. Shuggums!"

"Dr. Twinkie-butt!"

As the banter went on, I realized that this son of a dickwad, as annoying as shit as he may be all the time, is someone that I wanted to be a partner-in-crime (hopefully not literally) with.

Just as long as the dog's name is Dr. Twinkie-butt.

* * *

 **(Super Sexy Hunk's POV)**

"Are chunky heels and crop tops all you fucking wear, you hipster?" I shook my head, looking into Josi's endless monochrome closet. It's like she stepped straight out of being an extra for Queen of The Damned.

"I have converse. They're red, at least." She pouted, and I shook my head, until I looked further into the closet and noticed the square camera that's labeled '4th Wall'. I looked up to talk to you.

Yes, you. Reading this right now.

Didn't see you there.

The name's Deadpool, but you can call me Dead for short.

Welcome to my fuckin' reality show. That's right you fuckers. I'm taking over this shit for at least half of a damn chapter.

I know, right? About fucking time! This shit author hasn't given me a chance to open my damn mouth since Power-Fluff Girl here showed up.

How can I be the Merc with the mouth without the mouth to use, Nah mean?

"Douchepool, what's the plan-" Josi called out, before I interrupted.

"Can it, Josi. This is my part of the chapter." I sassed, making her roll her eyes at me.

Mr. Shuggums walked up to us, and gave us a tail wag. Josi lifted him up before poking his nose.

Today's a legendary day for Captain Pool, here.

After getting the most bad-ass apprentice, I get to school her on her first mission. I'm shitting rainbows today, boys and girls!u

I know you're all familiar with this little shit right next to me.

Daddy Deadpool has never been so proud of a kid before in his life.

It's like I recruited my very own Spider-Man,

Y'know if he was a girl.

And black.

"Wade, I can fucking hear your monologue; You're talking to yourself-" Josi shook her head.

"Suck a cock." I quieted her down, as she stuck her middle fingers up at me.

"Dick hole." She taunted back, before trying to hand me my hello kitty bag.

"Uh– you hold on to that. I always forget it in the cab." I shook my head.

"Cab?" Josi asked, before I looked at the 4th wall camera again.

You see, our goal today is simple for a scrub like dipshit over here.

A few bullets up the ass of a drug lord who gets his coked-up rockers off on soliciting sex workers is a good enough goal for tonight.

The messy part is getting to the shit-swizzler.

Yes, readers this is going to be as messy as a rusty dildo up the ass.

Y'know, because the dildo is rusty.

With spikes on the end of it.

And it's one of those spinny-dildos.

Not fun at all.

"Wade, that's fucking disgusting." Josi shook her head.

"Here, put this on." I handed her a mask I made all by myself. She took it, and gave it a quick look.

"Cute. Am I your backup dancer now?" She pointed out the mask being similar to mine.

The whole outfit she wore was just a miniature version of Daddy right here.

Lil shit should be thankful that she looks like Shmade Shmilson.

"Only if you want to be." I winked, making her glare.

"Disgusting." She shook her head.

I know deep down inside she wants this sexy beast.

"You flirt with anything with a hole."

"Keep denying your love for me, it's okay."

"You're like 600 years old." Josi muttered, before putting on her mask.

"Excuse me, I'm in my 30s, you 5 year old." I put a hand on my chest. How dare she assume my age?

Triggered.

"Yeah, 30 years ago. Now are you done with your inner monologue, we have a drug lord to zap off the radar." Josi crossed her arms. I could already feel myself getting emotional once she said that.

"C'mere my lovely apprentice!" I pulled her into a hug. She immediately backed up, covering her nose.

"You suit smells like sweat, metallic blood, and oddly enough: Curry." She furrowed her brows at me.

"Glad you noticed, It's my new line of cologne: Wade and Confused." I smiled, making her shake her head.

"You never run out of 90s puns, do you?" She complimented.

"It's my specialty." I smiled, before pulling out my phone and calling an old friend.

"Dopinder, buddy! How's the escaped fugitive life treating you?" I called out.

"Well, it's been 3 days since I've seen the sun, so I'd say it's treating me well, thank you. Now what do you want, Mr. Pool?" Dopinder sarcastically replied.

"That's not how to treat the man who busted you out and scored you a ass-smacking good mercenary job, now is it?" I pouted, making him sigh.

"Where am I taking you today?" Dopinder asked.

"Well, my slimmer brown friend, I'm on a duck hunt tonight, with my apprentice."

* * *

"Okay, if you have any problems, you can yell out our safe-word: Hermione." I chided like a mother on their kid's first day of middle school.

"Hermione?" Josi asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Hell yes, Hermione. Have you ever picked up a Harry Potter book?" I asked in amazement.

"Hell no. Have you?" She sassily fired back.

She has a point. Shit biscuits.

"Well— No. Vanessa and I had a Harry Potter binge-a-thon recently. It was a bangin' good time, quite literally." I chuckled at the memory, making Josi groan in disgust.

"That's all I needed to know." Dopinder and Josi cringed at the same time.

"Dopinder and I go way fucking back, Josi. I helped him get the girl of his dreams." I grinned, putting a hand on his chest.

"He convinced me to kidnap my good looking cousin who stole my love's heart, and I got caught by the police with a screaming man in my trunk, and a bunch of weapons in a Hello Kitty bag." Dopinder bitterly glanced through the rear view mirror.

"Deadpool!" Josi snapped.

"It wasn't my fault, sweet-cheeks; He would've gotten away with it if he didn't crash into a bus." I shrugged.

It's not like I told Dopinder to kidnap Bantu, gut him out like a fish, and kidnap the love of his life.

Oh wait.

Anyways, the fun part is coming faster than I did once Vanessa forgave me, and we had a few shots.

The part where we fight the NPC's to get to the boss.

"Josi, you're going to stand a bit to the sidelines, and help me out with fending off the dick nuggets who aren't as important. Don't get in the way if there's a gun fight, I have a healing factor; You might die." I pointed out, making Josi nod.

"This is the first time I've heard you speak seriously." Josi surprisingly raised an eyebrow.

"Don't get used to it, lovebuns." I winked, before arriving a block away from the building.

"Thanks for the ride, buddy!" I playfully reached over to the front seat to give him a kiss on the cheek, before quickly walking out.

"Now let's make the Chimi-fucking-changas." I grinned.

"Is that the only good one-liner you have?" Josi commented.

* * *

 _ **Soooo,**_

 _ **I can tell this story will be a bit more focused on the X-Men more than Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D..etc, which I never really expected to happen, but it kinda just did. I think that I'm still keeping Peter as a main character, but he may not be as important as the other characters that will be introduced.**_


	5. Chapter 5

"Alright, lil shit. Heed my every order and you might survive." Wade sing-songed, making me glare at his direction.

"Mulan, 1998." He quickly whispered.

"I know, asshole. I wasn't born yesterday."

We approached the door to what looked like an abandoned shop. Wade went over to open the door, only to realize it was locked.

"Balls." He sounded entirely too annoyed. He took the Hello Kitty bag from me, and rummaged through.

"Don't worry, maybe I can open it with my-" I began, until Wade shot his gun twice at the lock, giving away our anonymity.

"I don't do Metal Gear-stealth missions, sweet cheeks." Wade pat my cheek, before walking in. I shook my head and quickly followed him inside.

As soon as we hit the inside, loud trap music blasted through speakers. There were 2 guys sitting at the outside of the door leading to where the drug lord was presumably behind. They seemed distracted, playing a card game. The hallway was dimly lit, and I took advantage of that, sneaking over to a dark corner.

"Got any 5's?" One guy asked.

"Go fish." The other one deadpanned, and I almost face-palmed.

I looked over to Wade, who probably read my mind, and shrugged. He walked farther out, before the group could notice he was there.

"Bonjour, comment allez-vous? Mon nom est la piscine des morts!" Wade called out to a group of people, reading off of google translate, distracting them.

"Due to the lack of budget, this fight scene will contain CGI blood, which may be disturbing to younger audiences. Viewer discretion is advised." Wade enthused, making everyone take out their firearms.

Okay. Time for some steamy foreplay.

The first guy was an easy target. He grabbed his gun, and as soon as he pointed it to Wade, I lifted his hand upwards so he would miss.

He tried again, only for the same thing to happen. I couldn't help but silently laugh at how childish I was being.

"Oh, what the fu-" He was cut off by a brisk shot to his head. The first gunshot made me jump, making me look up at Wade. Before the mission, he calmed my nerves, saying that he would do all the dirty work and kill the bad guys.

My young adult angst bullshit has a body count now.

Wade looked over to me and gave a wink, before dealing with the other guys, who were obviously very stunned at what just happened.

One guy tried to shoot his gun, only to realize that his Ammo was on the floor, and the gun wasn't loaded anymore.

Wade began to move up towards the guy, with his Katanas in hand, before suddenly being tackled by a man. He didn't seem normal, because he was full of muscle and strength, and as soon as he pinned Wade down, sharp claws began to draw out from his knuckles. He pinned the claws against Wade's neck.

The man that Wade was about to kill already closed the door behind him, obviously about to rat us out. Wade gave a groan, making the man who was holding him visibly more agitated.

"Not another move." The man strictly glared.

"Heeeey, Logan! How's the box office treatin' ya buddy?" Wade gave a friendly wave. "You don't look grey. And dying. Good sign."

"How many people do you have to kill before you realize that this isn't the way to do it?" The man, named Logan lifted up his clawed hand, making it seem as though he was going to hurt Wade.

My immediate instinct was to see if I could use my power to prevent it from happening.

"Hey, don't hurt him!" I shouted, holding his hand up with my mind.

The man looked up at me as soon as he saw the costume, and stood. As soon as he realized that he couldn't move his arm, he held up his other one defensively.

"Okay, Chill out, I wasn't going to actually hurt him." Logan defensively stood, as I slowly lowered his hand.

"Wade, who the fuck is this?" He confusingly looked over at my tiny stature and realized that I had to be a young lady.

"That's my new bad-ass apprentice, Josi!" Wade got up, and immediately hooked his arm around my shoulder. Logan chuckled at that.

"Wade, she's the same size as a little girl." He crossed his arms.

"And you're the same size as a teenage girl on prom night but you don't see any of us complaining." I sassily shot back.

"Well, she's got the same bite as you that's for sure." He quickly tossed off towards Wade, before we heard a commotion coming from behind the door, presumably because of the man we let loose.

"Look, we can get acquainted and sing Kumbaya around the campfire later. But for now we have to save our asses." He finished, before Wade sarcastically covered his mouth with his hands.

"No fucking duh, muscle-man! That's why we were here!" Wade shouted, before beginning to run out.

"Wade, do you ever shut the fuck up?" Logan asked irritably while we were running.

"There they are!" We heard a voice getting louder before realizing that they transported into a van and were set out to kill us with various weapons.

"SHIT." I yelled out, getting everyone's attention, before the gunfire began. As soon as it started, I felt a stinging feeling in my arm.

I cried out before Wade took out his Katanas and began dodging every bullet.

"Holy shit, Wade keep it up!" I shouted, before trying to see if I could focus enough to flip the van over.

"Thanks, sugar tits! It was the only thing I kept from X-Men Origins!" He shouted. Once the bullets stopped, he looked down at his torso, which was completely covered in bulled wounds.

As soon as I focused on the van, I felt it happen.

My brain felt as though it was flipping inside of my head, and my eyes felt as though they were lifting 100 pound weights. I wanted to do anything that I could to let me get out alive, pretty much.

As soon as the van flipped over, I could feel it in my head, and pounding in my ears.

"Holy balls, that was fucking sick!" Wade looked back at me, it was all I heard before i lost feeling in my

"Ah, shit!" Logan cursed, as I fell to the ground.

* * *

"And that's how we aced our first mission!" I heard Wade's voice as I regained consciousness.

"The fuckin' nostalgia. It feels like it was just yesterday!" He sighed.

"That's because it was, dipshit." I heard a voice comment. I fluttered my eyes open, and realized that my mask was off.

"Welcome back." The familiar man greeted.

"Thanks, um..." I trailed off, trying to remember his name.

"I'm Logan." He introduced. "Wade's... acquaintance."

I nodded, taking in the new information.

"I feel like I had a stroke." I groaned, holding my head while sitting up.

"It seemed like you had one." Logan pointed out.

"How long was I out?" I asked Logan, before taking a good look at him. He was a really muscly guy with quite a bit of facial hair. His soft eyes hid behind a stern gaze.

'He's a beautiful specimen.' I thought.

"About a day and a half. I wanted to make sure that you were alive, so I've been waiting with Wade since then." He stood for a moment, walking to the kitchen.

"You got any beer?"

"I'm not 21 yet." I sassily replied.

"Is that a no?" He raised his brows.

I challenged him by keeping a straight face. "In the cabinet underneath the sink. I'm not a beer person, but help yourself to some Jäger."

Wade peeped over from the bathroom and smiled through his mask.

"Hey! You're alive!" He waved with one hand before I realized that he was taking a piss while talking to us.

"Wade, close the door, damnit!" I shouted.

"I'm triggered. hashtag dicks out." Wade childishly shouted before shutting the door. Logan sighed, before looking at me. He took my Golden Girls shot glass and poured a generous amount of Jägermeister before taking the bottle with him to sit back down on the couch.

"How do you deal with that clown?" He muttered, rubbing the temples of his forehead.

"You kind of get used to it after a while." I shrugged, before hearing Wade rapping Run D.M.C and shaking my head. Logan looked towards the bathroom with a deadpanned expression, before leaning towards me in a conversational way.

"Little lady; You need to be careful of how you use that power of yours." Logan warned, making me raise my eyebrows.

I've never been called Little Lady before, but I wouldn't mind if he stared calling me that.

"I get that Wade might seem like he knows what he's talking about with going out and getting shit done, but you have to remember that he can get his head chopped off and grow another head. You can't."

"How would you know about his hea-"

"Long story." He nodded it off before shaking his head.

"You need to figure out what you can do and what could get you killed before you go out there. You have a mutant power, and using it dangerously can, and will kill you." He began. "I've seen it happen too many times."

I didn't know what to say. After my hesitation, Logan decided to speak again. "If you would like to meet a mentor of mines, I would be more than glad to introduce you." He finished, and I contemplated it.

"No way, Jose. We're not adding Professor X to this story." Wade commented, before protectively shoving me back.

"Wade, she needs help. She could have died back there."

"Listen here, you Australian platypus!" Wade threateningly pointed his finger, before contemplating.

"I didn't even have shit to say, I just really wanted to call you a platypus." He commented, before shifting his eyes side to side.

"Well, Josi is my apprentice! You and Colossus can keep rubbing Xavier's shiny, bald, mesmerizing head but I will not be a victim." Wade crossed his arms before I cleared my throat.

"Wade, I don't have to stop helping you to get help. Why can't I be shared?" I suggested.

"Look," Logan began before standing.

I have to head out. If you want, I can introduce you to Professor X on my way." Logan awkwardly crossed his arms, as if his act of kindness wasn't all that natural. "He'll know how to help you with your power in the best way."

"If he could help me, I'll go." I concluded.

Wade seemed to pause in order to process what was going on. "Shit, fine; but, Wolvie, if you see Colossus, tell him that I miss his sweet chrome ass."

"I won't." Logan immediately responded before picking up his leather coat.

* * *

The cheesy 50's music never seemed to stop in Logan's truck.

He kept his eyes on the road, giving a one-over glance every once in a while. After checking my dry twitter feed for the umpteenth time, I decided to break the silence by laughing.

"You're not much of a talker, are ya?" I asked Logan, who glared over at me. His glare seemed more as though he was playful about it.

"Deal with it." He amusedly tossed off, while turning the music up louder. I sighed, and kicked my legs up on the dashboard while playing with the window, rolling it up and down repeatedly, because it made a funny lil swoosh sound.

I was interrupted by a stern hit on the shoulder.

"Ow! Who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?" I rubbed my shoulder and glared.

How dare he hit me when I was trying to have fun?

Triggered.

As soon as I thought that, I shook my head. 'I really have to stop hanging out with Wade. He's fucking contagious.' I thought.

"Feet down from the dashboard." He demanded.

"Okay, fine." I shrugged, bringing my feet down.

"Didn't your parents ever teach you to behave?" He began, before I interrupted. Normally I would playfully shove it off when someone asked if I had any home training, but this time it hit too close to home. Maybe it was because of how serious Logan was as a person.

"I don't remember. If you can find them, ask them." I snapped. He must have noticed that he hit a nerve, because he didn't anything afterwards. There was a silence, and I looked over at him after the sting of his comment went away.

"Thank you," I began. "For taking me here. I really appreciate it. I never knew how these mutant-power things worked."

"I did it mainly to get you away from Wade for a while." He commented. "You need to come up with a plan and improve your power before you're able to help anybody else."

"Did you always think this way, wise guy?" I playfully asked. He seemed to grin, possibly because he was reminiscing. His smile faded when he looked up through his rear-view mirror.

"Ah, shit." He suddenly cursed. I looked back to see a few cars following us.

"What's going on?" I hesitantly asked, and looked over at Logan, who didn't have a sign of panic on his face, just irritation.

"Don't worry about it and let me handle it. Stay here. Don't. Move." Logan commanded before stopping the car suddenly, and walking out.

"Okay, Mr. Claw-dude. I won't move." I muttered, before calling Wade.

"Miss me already? What happened? Did you die? I'll fuck Wolverine up-" Wade answered, and I shook my head.

"We have a problem here. Logan is outside confronting fuck-knows-what and I need an adult." I sighed.

"Fuck. Where are you?"

"I'm at interstate 167. Logan told me not to move."

"Okay, um. Just hold on a second." He seemed to be rummaging around.

"FUCK THIS ZIPPER AND ALL IT STANDS FOR!" He shouted, before hanging up.

* * *

 _Okay so oddly, I have a feeling that Wolverine might be a bit of a bigger character in this story than I thought, which is pretty damn cool beans. The dynamic between him and Wade is amusing, and it works very well. The more that I was writing, the more his interactions with Josi became interesting as well. I think he brings a more serious tone to the story, and taking away some comedy for a while gives you guys a break._

 _Until next chapter!_


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey, asshole!" I heard Logan shout. I couldn't help but to turn around to stare outside of the back window, only to quickly turn back around and stare straight ahead.

Shit, I can't make myself look to obvious. I looked down and realized that I was subconsciously tapping my foot to the music playing on the radio. 'Maybe the cowboy music isn't helping.' I thought, turning the music all the way down to mute.

I rolled down the window to hear the conversation better. "Why did you follow us?" I heard Logan ask. If I wasn't already shitting my pants, I was now. My hands began to shake and I knew that I couldn't just sit here while Logan was battling some evil dude. My heart started beating erratically in my chest.

"Because why not?" I heard a familiar voice challenging him.

What the?

I couldn't help but to open the car door. When I walked a bit closer, I knew that I recognized that red suit. Wade's fake mustache sat on his mask, and he wore the biggest sombrero that I've ever seen.

"Wade?" I asked, walking closer to the situation. Logan turned when he heard my voice, his arms crossing.

"You were supposed to stay in the car." Logan glared.

"And now, I'm out here." I challenged. Logan, who didn't take well to the disrespect walked away without saying a word. He went into his car for a brief moment, only to come back with my backpack, handing it to me without hesitation. I couldn't help but to look at him in confusion.

"Look kid. I was being nice by bringing you to where you wanted to go. If you're going to continue to disrespect me, you can go back with Wade and continue to risk your life." Logan snapped, before walking away silently. After a few seconds, we heard the engine rev up, and the car driving off, leaving us stranded at the side of a quiet intersection.

"Shit," Wade began, before looking at me. "Who pissed in his Cheerios this morning?"

"I fucked up." I sighed, looking up at Wade. "Should we head back?" I asked, glancing at Wade's car.

"Y'know, we might want to leave this car here. Just in case some guy robbed it. Not saying that it was me or anything, but it was me." Wade explained.

"Listen, Josi. I know that I'm metaphorically going to become one of your many father figures in this story, so why not lay on a cheesy Bob Saget moment now. Cue the Full House music." Wade sat down next to me, and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Uncle Logan doesn't like it when he's disrespected. He's short-tempered, really cranky, 6'2", Australian, and an amazingly attractive hunk." He began, before pausing. "I was supposed to be saying something useful here..." He pondered before snapping his fingers.

"Now, I'm going to figure out a way to get him back over here. And when he's back, you are going to apologize to him. Seriously: being a dick is not okay." Wade chided.

I gave a sigh, before looking at him and making eye(mask?) contact. "Fine..." I trailed off.

There was since between the both of us until Wade made a sound of realization.

"I have an idea!" Wade pulled out a phone, which had a Hello Kitty phone case.

"I'll use my second phone to call him over." Wade commented, opening up the Uber app. I read the name on his fake account: Harry Janus, and couldn't help but giggle silently.

Minutes after sitting down on the interstate, a car in the distance drove closer to us, and I recognized it as Logan's iconic truck. He rolled the window down, obviously annoyed with our antics.

"Really? A fake fucking account?" Logan glared. "I would have rejected the request, but coming here just reject you twice would have been more fun."

We stood in silence for a second before Wade shoved me closer towards the window. "Joseline, don't you have something to say to Mr. Logan?" He asked in a condescending tone. I looked down sheepishly. Apologies were definitely not my strong suit.

"Hey, I wanted you to come back so I could say that I'm really, really sorry for being disrespectful. I was joking, but I forgot that not everyone takes it as lightly." The apology sounded foreign coming from my lips.

"And?" Logan asked, waiting for more.

"I won't be a douche again." I apologized. "Well, maybe to Wade, but not you." I admitted.

"Uh, Josi, can you hurry the fuck up? Uber charges you now when they have to wait more than two minutes." Wade commented. "Look Wolvie, we'll pay you if you take us. Don't you want another customer? I'll leave a tip and four stars. I would give you five but you're talking to us."

"Get in the damn car." Logan seemed to have accepted my apology. I excitedly smiled.

"Shotgun!" I shouted, making Wade curse.

#

"What the shit am I supposed to do in the backseat? It gets lonely back here." Wade whined.

"Fuck if I know, douche nugget." I commented.

"You know, for a fanfic about me, there's not a lot about me going on." Wade complained, only to be ignored. "I'm the star here!" He shouted again, only to be listened to by deaf ears.

The quick bit of silence was music to my ears.

"...Just a small town girl. Livin' in a lonELY WORL-" Wade began singing, only to be cut off.

"Wade. I swear to mother fuck, if you don't shut up right now, I will throw you in the trunk." Logan interrupted.

"...Well. Three stars, now." Wade muttered underneath his breath. "I feel like a dog in the backseat that's just been neutered." Wade laid down. "It all started when I was born, y'know? I lived inside of a cupboard underneath the stairs. Never got that letter from Hogwarts though. My uncle probably ripped it up-"

"So Wade, what have we learned today?" I interrupted in a condescending tone.

"Hm... Sombreros aren't that convenient enough of a disguise for driving. Maybe I should have tried my Dr. Mario costume instead." Wade pondered.

"He is so full of shit." Logan commented.  
Logan finally stopped after what seemed like a half hour of driving. "Here we are." He introduced. We looked up at the huge castle-like building. I froze, eyes widening in amazement.

"Woah, it's like hogwarts!" I excitedly gasped.

"More like Westchester, but okay." Wade corrected.

Before opening up the door, the strongest feeling washed over my body. It felt like a bunch of nerves began to run through my body, up and down. I hesitated for a moment, sitting back and just looking forward into space while blinking a few times.

"You alright?" Logan asked, after noticing my hesitation.

"I feel really weird." I began, looking up at the mansion before getting that same feeling again. "I feel like a lot is going to change if I step out of this car." I closed my eyes momentarily again, shaking off the weird sense that I'm getting.

I've never felt so sure about something in my entire life.

"What should be the background music for this scene? I'm feeling kinda Tears for Fears right now." Wade pondered by himself in the backseat. "Everybody wants to rule the world..." He sang quietly.

"Is change a bad thing?" Logan commented. I looked over at him and I didn't know how to answer the question. It was silent until Wade interrupted.

"Go get em, tiger. Um, Just make sure Professor X knows that Cerebro was already broken when I touched it last!" Wade shouted as I walked out of the car. "Oh! And ask Colossus if his shit is silver too. I've always wondered that."

"Not happening." I stated loud enough for him to hear.

"If you ever feel uncomfortable, just text me "Monkey Bread!" It's our safe-word!" Wade shouted out of the window while Logan drove off.

"I thought Hermione was our safe wo-" I shouted, until I realized that people were staring at me.

Why do I feel like fresh meat at a new school?

The mansion wasn't like anything that I've ever seen in my life. It was covered in brick and vines stylishly swirled around the walls. Students were already walking around, and they couldn't help but to look at me. I felt out of place already.

I couldn't help but feel nervous when I knocked on the door, only for it to open after the first knock.

The halls were a lot livelier than I would have expected. They were filled by what looked like students, teachers, and different kinds of Mutants. I felt normal for once.

Too normal.

"Joseline, I've been expecting you." A voice called out to me. I turned around at the mention of my full name.

The man, in a wheelchair, began to roll towards me. "My name is Charles Xavier. I'm glad that you were able to join us today." He introduced, reaching his hand out for a handshake, which I shook firmly. He kept steady but reassuring eye contact.

I don't think I've ever had so many questions for one person during the first time meeting them. There was a lot that intrigued me about him; his wise demeanor, his wheelchair, and even funnily enough his baldness for such a young looking man. It seemed as though every part of him had a story. He was definitely wise above his years.

And strikingly handsome, but we don't talk about that.

"I can tell that you're already curious about a lot of things." He knowingly commented.

Wow he's really observant. Cool beans.

"Actually the only question I have is; When is my first class?" I asked.

His face painted in confusion at first until he realized my playful banter. He smiled at me in amusement shortly after.

"Unfortunately classes are closed for registration, Miss Clark." He smiled.

"That's a shame. I could totally be an X-men." I joked. "Or is it x-man?" I questioned.

"That is not exactly why you are here, is it?" Somehow that didn't quite sound like a question, but more of a confirmation.

"Well, no. Not at all. I was recommended to come here and speak to you. Logan told me that you could probably help me with an issue..." I trailed off, uncertain as to how he would respond.

"Yes, well, follow me. I have a feeling that this is not a conversation you wish to have out in the open." He advised, before turning around and rolling away. I walked next to him, presumably to his office.

"So, why are they called x-men instead of x-people? Just out of curiosity." I suddenly asked.

#

"As you see, I didn't have any spectacular story to tell," I chuckled at myself. "I feel like everyone that I've met lately has some amazing story that inspired them to do great things."

When explaining my story, I couldn't help but feel silly. Here I was, in this mind-blowing mansion, telling my life story to someone that I didn't know 20 minutes ago who runs a school for gifted mutants, and I couldn't help but feel intimidated.

His office was what anyone would picture to be a classic study. It had a mainly wooden finish, and there were photos hung all around the room. I couldn't help but to look at the different students, especially the blue dude that had some wild sideburns.

Huh. Wicked as fuck. I wonder what his story is-

Oh yeah. I was talking to Charles. Shit. Did he start talking already?

"Your story is still as valid as anyone else's." Charles commented. "No story is the same. You haven't found your inspiration as of yet, but you will in due time."

I gave a nod to his words.

"For the time being, if you'd like, I can take a look at your genetic makeup. It can help you see why your body does what it does." He explained.

"That would be amazing." My face brightened. My words came out to be more excitable than I actually wanted them to be.

You sound like a fucking weenie. He's about to send you to Super Weenie Hut Jr.'s. Good job Josi.

"Follow me, Joseline." Charles called out, already rolling away in the second room. I made an 'oof' sound before rushing over.

As we walked through the different corridors, I began to notice that everything was becoming a lot more metal, and soundproof-y.

Oh god. Is this where he takes his victims and then kills them? Was this Logan's plan all along?

Charles suddenly turned around, with a 'you're-not-serious' expression painted on his face. "I assure you, I'm not going to kill you."

Oh, fuck.

He turned around and began rolling away. My eyes widened and my mouth hung open. "Wait. This whole time, you could read my mind!?" I exclaimed.

"The 'blue dude' that you called 'Wicked's' name is Hank." He chuckled. "Also, I can't help but to ask, but what is a Super Weenie Hut Jr.'s?" He curiously asked, making me turn red.

"Is there an off button to your powers?" I embarrassingly shook my head.

"Unfortunately, no." He commented, before opening a final door revealing a room full of computers and what looked like medical monitors.

"Are you a licensed doctor?" I asked, albeit playfully.

But y'know. Kinda not kidding at the same time.

"Trust me. Nothing invasive will happen. You're going to lie down here, and I am going to hook you up to a heart rate monitor. While this is happening, I'm going to put this over your head, and I am going to analyze your power." He reassured.

"Okay..." I trailed off.

Doesn't sound too bad.

I lied down on the metal surface, looking up at the ceiling. The heart rate monitors followed shortly after.

"Okay, you might want to count from 10." Charles requested, putting the head-shaped object over my head.

"Okay...10...11...12-"

"Backwards." Charles chuckled in the background.

"Oh." I blinked. "10...9...8...7.."

Woah it's hella dark.

Okay sweet.

So I'm pretty sure I just got knocked out.

* * *

 _A/N: Haaaa surprise you thought the timelines couldn't make any less sense, but you're wrong! Somehow we are stuck with McAvoy's Professor X._

 _Nothing will make sense, but that's completely okay! Don't question it too much. The more you question it, the less fun you'll have._

 _I'd like to personally thank my best friend for helping me to come up with a discombobulated plot, being my Winter Soldier arm and being the best damn editor out there._


	7. Chapter 7

_The sound of an explosion made everything afterwards eerily quiet. My ears rang, and I struggled to lift myself up. The most that I could see from my surroundings beforehand disappeared within a blink of an eye._

 _There was smoke everywhere. Why couldn't I remember what I was doing before?_

 _"Joseline!" I heard a voice shout. The voice made me swing my head in the direction that I heard it in. I could see the silhouette of the person in the distance._

 _Mom?_

 _"Mom!" I shouted. A tiny, high pitched voice escaping from my mouth. I didn't sound like myself._

 _"I-I'm scared! What do I do!?" I asked her. Tears were running down my cheeks, and my eyes were moving erratically to see something, anything._

 _My breath couldn't slow down. My legs felt like jelly. What was happening?_

 _I heard her shout something but I couldn't process it with my brain. Before I could shout again, I felt someone grab me by my arm._

#

I jolted awake, with a gasp escaping from my mouth. I grabbed the dome shaped object that sat above my head and quickly moved it to the side so that I could sit upwards. My heart was beating erratically in my chest. I looked up to see Charles looking back. Before I could ask a question, I felt something drip from my eye, and quickly touched it to see what it was. The drops of water sat on my fingertips.

Was I crying?

"What was that?" I looked up at Charles, who seemed pretty bewildered himself.

"I tried to look into your mind, but..." He trailed off. I waited in anticipation for his answer, gently ripping off the heart rate monitors. "It was difficult to see, and if my suspicions are correct, I may know why. I examined your genetic makeup, and there is something that you might want to be made aware of." He suggested. I hesitantly stood.

Fuck. I'm dying aren't I?

I walked over to see what looked like a photo of my brain. I stared for a while until I found something weird. It was a small object that looked lighter than everything else.

"What is that?" I asked, pointing to it.

"Exactly." Charles glanced up at me. "This is a blockage inside of your brain. This is most likely to have been manually installed, as it seems strategically placed." He hypothesized.

"I'm not sure why this was put into your brain, but when I tried to look into your mind, it seemed to have triggered something out of you." He finished. "This blockage could have caused a part of your brain to contain itself. This could cause a regression in memories, brain patterns, and abilities. If what I'm thinking is correct, this could be why your power is weakened."

I couldn't help but stay silent, trying to remember if I was in the hospital at anytime in my life. I was surprised by how many blanks I was drawing. I don't remember my 10th birthday, or the weeks leading up to being put into a foster home. I always jokingly blamed it on the dumb 'child amnesia' that everyone has, but all of this time it could have been something else.

"What can I do about this brain blockage thing?" I hesitantly asked. "If I got it taken out, would I die?"

Charles pondered over my question. "It is much too soon to tell. There would have to be extensive research done, and nothing could be determined today." He replied, as honest as possible.

Fuck nuggets. None of this would have happened if you weren't greedy and decided to work a late night diner shift for Netflix. Fuck you, past Josi! I hope you're hearing this!

"Logan told me about your...erm, Adventures with Wade Wilson. You can't put your life on the line the way that you did."

"It had nothing to do with Wade," I defended. "I picked up more than I could carry."

"If this blockage is what is holding you back, we can find out about what your mind can truly be capable of." Charles urged. "I would suggest that you stay here in order to find out more about yourself before you do another mission with Wade." Charles urged.

The possibility of knowing what I could actually do weighed on my mind for a while. Charles gave me the opportunity to help me find the missing pieces of my life, and I didn't know how to take it.

It overwhelmed me.

"I," I stuttered. "Can I have time to think about it?" I asked, sounding a lot more like a kid asking to use the bathroom in 5th grade.

Meanwhile, at the Stark Tower

"Hey kid," Tony began, tapping at Peter's legs as a signal for him to move his feet away from his damn coffee table. Peter moved his legs reluctantly, and crossed his arms. He was back at Tony's office for a usual morning meeting, as well as doing some of his paperwork. He couldn't help but grin at the fact that when he had his first meeting before college at 18, he remembered telling Tony that it was 'mega lame' that superhero stuff wasn't just all about wearing the costume and beating up bad guys.

"I'm 22, Mr. Stark." Peter defended, making Tony roll his eyes.

"Sounds like something a kid would say but ok," Tony shrugged. Peter will always be a kid in Tony's mind.

"Whatever happened to that other kid that I offered a job here a few days ago. Uh, Joseline?"

"Huh. Now that you mention it, I haven't heard much back from her since Deadpool took her in as his apprentice." Peter mentioned as nonchalantly as possible, making Tony raise a brow.

"Sounds like you've been really chill about that." Tony tried to hide his smile. He knew when Peter was completely and utterly panicking on the inside.

"Yeah, you know, life happens. It's not like Deadpool is some insane dude who could possibly kill my friend. It's not like he stole my friend from me or anything. Totally chill." Peter shrugged.

"So, you and Joseline," Tony mused. "Is this a thing that I should know about?"

"What!?" Peter asked, his voice going up 2 octaves before turning to Tony. "Nononono. No, Stop that. We're just friends."

"Just making sure." Tony shrugged.

"You don't ask me that about Ned," Peter defended, before furrowing his brows at his own comment. "–or MJ." He corrected himself.

"Because you never introduced me to MJ." Tony shrugged, taking a seat at his desk and almost dropping his glasses before putting them on.

"Ha! Because MJ doesn't have a mind power thingy." Peter pointed out. He absentmindedly opened up his phone to see no new texts from Josi. Not even a meme. He sighed, before sending the polarizing "u dead?" text.

[Peter:] u dead?

He sighed after his reply. Was he gonna double text?

He was gonna double text.

[Peter:] Cards Against Humanity tonight?

"But I didn't see you going to "MJ's diner" every morning when we literally have a café in this building." Tony tossed off at Peter, making him go completely silent for a moment. He put his paperwork down momentarily.

"...They just don't make the bagels right at Cafe Stark." Peter quietly pouted. Tony pondered at Peter's response.

'He wasn't completely wrong' He thought.

He went into the drawer of his desk, pulling out a protein bar and throwing it out to Peter, who caught it without looking.

"What's this?" Peter asked before looking at it completely.

"Eat that. Ever since the diner blew up, I've barely seen you eat breakfast. It's an important meal, you know." Tony's last sentence came off more playful than fatherly once he realized that he sounded like a parent. It scared him how much he treated Peter like his child at times.

"Since when are you the breakfast type of guy?" Peter teased.

"I'm not. That's why I got those for you." Tony pointed out. The small gesture made Peter feel warm on the inside.

"Wow. Thanks, Mr. Stark!" Peter gave him a cheesy smile and a thumbs up, and Tony returned it before focusing in on his work.

'I love that kid.' He thought. "Well if Joseline hasn't died yet, I would convince her to work here. I'm in need of an assistant anyways." Tony suggested, making Peter nod in agreement.

Peter glanced over the paperwork entitled 'Peter's Busy-Work [Color-coded],' until his phone gave a 'Ding!' notification sound.

[Josi:] duuude -police siren emojis-

[Peter:] wot m8

[Josi:] i have to tell u something major

Peter's brows furrowed.

[Peter:] u good?

[Josi:] Cards Against Humanity needs to be put on hold tonight

#  
(1st Person)

"And then, I found out that my brain has a blockage thingy in it that might be fucking with my memory, or my power, or some shit." I explained to Peter, who seemed more bewildered than anything.

We sat inside of his apartment, in which tonight was 'play-a-game-while-fucked-up' night with Ned and MJ, but it was put on hold by my urgency to talk to him. Peter's apartment had a completely different feel compared to mines. He kept it simple and homely, and even had a color theme going with green.

"Holy shit..." Peter trailed off.

"Y'know, I got bit by a spider and felt really weird for a day and then boom I became a spider-dude." He quietly admitted. I couldn't help but to shake my head at his sudden confession.

"I don't think I want to become a super-mutant, or a wanted criminal. If I'm being honest; I never wanted any mutant issues to begin with before I met Wade."

Peter's face brightened up as my sentence ended. "Y'know not in correlation to anything that you just said or anything, but um," He quickly disclaimed. "There are some positions open at Stark Tower, so like, If you know anyone who would be interested in not being a super-mutant or a criminal..."

"Well, I mean-" I began.

"We have health insurance benefits!" He interjected quickly. "I mean, I work there too so you'd see me everyday and that's pretty cool I guess-"

"Aw man, working with you? I don't think I want to work there anymore..." I jokingly tossed off, making Peter give me a playful glare.

Working at Stark Tower sounded like the most normal thing out of the choices that I had. I could quietly work a 9 to 5 without worrying about the mutant drama that plagued my life as of late. That's all that I wanted in the first place. Plus, Health Insurance and a legal paycheck sounded pretty flipping rad.

Fuck it.

"...Are you sure that the job position is still open?" I asked.

"Mr. Stark said so today," He began, before quickly interjecting. "-Not like I was talking about you earlier or anything."

What a dweeb.

#

I gave a deep breath before walking into my apartment. Wade seemed to be watching TV. His mask was off, and it looked like he ordered pizza not too long ago. As soon as the door closed behind me, Wade turned around.

"Wow, you're finally back. I thought you went halfway around the world in a journey of self discovery and became a Time-Rewinding Wizard or something." Wade waved, before turning to the wall. "Not like he's going to be relevant in this story or anything." He winked.

"Wade, who are you talking to, there's only a wall there." I pointed out. Wade gave a hearty laugh, not answering the question, and switching the channels on the TV until he heard the 'Sanford and Son' theme song. I began to feel nervously guilty about my talk with Peter earlier, and couldn't help but rush into the kitchen to find something to stuff my face with nervously. When I found the Lay's potato chips, I gave a sigh of relief.

"How was your adventure? Did you die? Did you fuck Colossus for me?" Wade asked with a grin.

I couldn't tell Wade. Not right now.

"It was cool!" I tried to act as chill as possible.

"Cool?" Wade echoed, not buying my attitude.

"Yep! Just normal, cool mutant stuff." I smiled.

"I don't think normal and mutant can be used in the same sentence, but fine." Wade passive-aggressively began. "If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. I'll just tell Mr. Shuggums about my day."

I could feel the words already coming out of my mouth at this point.

Shit.

Josi, don't do it.

"I don't think that I can work with you anymore!" I blurted out with potato chips flying out of my mouth.

Oh my god.


End file.
